No sex since 1955

heylinder · Posted: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 00:11:30 Post Subject: No sex since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, now tiring of trying to start up a conversation,
said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded
to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned
against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,
"I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

knight0334 · Posted: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 00:38:21 Post Subject:

LMAO!! nice

HackaX0rus · Posted: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 01:50:59 Post Subject:

Bwhahah...nice one

heylinder · Posted: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:22:15 Post Subject: New Joke :)

BE QUIET

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be Quiet." The boy,
bless his heart, answered; "Look, I was quiet when the Snake slithered
across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over My shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp Stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us?" ..............

Well, I guess I just Panicked................"

heylinder · Posted: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 19:02:49 Post Subject: Another New Joke

Medicare

The phone rings and the lady of the house
Answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical
Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's
biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from
another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which
one is your husband's. Frankly the results are
either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for
Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS.
We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?"
questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for
these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop
your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds
his way home, don't sleep with him."

evilburl · Posted: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 21:51:24 Post Subject:

This is a great thread heylinder. I'm still chuckling at them

heylinder · Posted: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 22:15:53 Post Subject:

HackaX0rus · Posted: Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:51:42 Post Subject:

I am a hax