Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about
being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
* * * * *
The nice thing about being senile is you
can hide your own Easter eggs.
* * * * *
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is'nt it?"
* * * * *
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries.
A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate
cancer, and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a
jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation,
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But..... Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license!
* * * * *
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office
and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you
think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"
* * * * *
God, grant me the senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
* * * * *
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to
prepare her will and make her final requests.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdale's.
"Bloomingdale's!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdale's?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
_________________
Two wrongs don't make a right!
But, three lefts do!! |
