| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Charlie
DeathStar
Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 10801
Location: Orlando, FL
|
 Posted: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 11:25:24 Post Subject: Oldie But Goodie |
  |
|
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.
6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
Little Bruin
Boo Boo
Joined: 07 Apr 2003
Posts: 667
Location: Pic-A-Nic Basket |
|
|
heylinder
Rated XXX
Joined: 04 Aug 2003
Posts: 1938
Location: Georgia
|
| Posted: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:41:53 Post Subject: |
|
|
LOL, very funny. That was a new one for me  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
BeerCheeze
*hick*
Joined: 14 Jun 2003
Posts: 9285
Location: At the Bar
|
| Posted: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:52:18 Post Subject: |
|
|
What, did you get that off of Arpanet??
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Charlie
DeathStar
Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 10801
Location: Orlando, FL
|
| Posted: Thu, 18 Oct 2007 11:13:04 Post Subject: |
|
|
| Dr. EvilCheeze wrote: | What, did you get that off of Arpanet??
|
That joke is older than you are...... 
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
misty
Mmmmm... Beer
Joined: 17 Jul 2003
Posts: 737
Location: In Dr. EvilCheeze's pants
|
| Posted: Thu, 18 Oct 2007 11:41:20 Post Subject: |
|
|
I've seen it before, but yep still funny. My favorite is:
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
Makes me LOL everytime!
_________________
Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
|
|
