Please critique my fund raising letter :)

heylinder

I've gotten involved in an all womens build for Habitat for Humanity. For my fund raising event I decided to do a poker run. Since this is my first ever major fundraiser I would appreciate help in critiquing my "give me money" letter. So what do you think ........

Dear Camden County Merchant,

On October 20, 2007 I will be taking up the challenge of hosting Ride to Build, a motorcycle poker run to benefit the first Habitat for Humanity of Camden County Women Build. The poker run will raise vital funds for the Habitat for Humanity build.

We have a large fund raising goal for the HFHCC Women Build. My goal for the Ride to Build Poker Run is set at $2,000, which is only a small percentage of what it takes to build a house. I would greatly appreciate your help in reaching this target by any merchandise donation you are able to give. All merchandise donations received will be used as door prizes that will be given out at the end of the Ride to Build Poker Run.

Cash donations will also be greatly appreciated for any up front expenses needed to get this exciting event off and running.

I have started my fund raising off with a personal donation of a $100. Your donation will bring us closer to our goal and help with Habitat for Humanity of Camden County first Women Build.

There are three donation levels. These include the Red, White, and Blue levels. (Please see the level descriptions below.) With your donation in the Blue level your company name will be included on the event flyer as well as the event t-shirt.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. As one of my sponsors, I will personally let you know how we do. If you would like any more information on the Ride to Build Poker Run please visit www.firstcoasttrikers.com , email me@yahoo.com , or call **-***-****.

Sincerely,

Linda
Tear-off Reply Form: Fill-in your name, company, donation amount.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I, ________________ at ____________________ will help Ride to Build Poker Run reach the fund raising target of $2,000 for the Habitat for Humanity Women Build by sponsoring a donation of ______________ .
Red Level: up to $100.00
White Level: $101.00 to $300.00
Blue Level: $301.00 and above
All checks should be made payable to Linda /Ride to Build. Thank you!

slugbug · Rated XXX Joined: 30 Oct 2006 Posts: 772 Location: Canada

It looks pretty good to me Smile

Charlie · Posted: Sat, 25 Aug 2007 17:38:48 Post Subject:

Looks like you've hit it on the head, Linda.... Thumbs Up

heylinder · Posted: Sat, 25 Aug 2007 18:11:52 Post Subject:

Thanks guys Smile

It took me a week and about 6 re-writes before I settled on this. I'm still not sure of the dollar amounts thou. I might make them a bit higher.

Monday I'm hitting up Navy Federal Credit Union on the base here as my first victim ... I mean supporter Wink

Wish me luck Smile

BeerCheeze · Posted: Sat, 25 Aug 2007 19:08:15 Post Subject:

I would add something about nekkid pics, or midget porn. But hey... that's just me.