Brain Cramps

NewAwakenings · Posted: Tue, 18 May 2004 16:50:53 Post Subject: Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" --George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Laughing

BeerCheeze · Posted: Tue, 18 May 2004 17:17:17 Post Subject:

Rule 1... if it comes in an e-mail.... don't belive it.

michael_holmes · Posted: Wed, 19 May 2004 12:39:38 Post Subject:

I wish I could change the status of dead people. Ahh the government.

bruceModn · Rated NC-17 Joined: 06 Mar 2004 Posts: 155 Location: texas

Red Squirrel · Posted: Tue, 25 May 2004 16:32:12 Post Subject:

Hahaha those are great!

Here's a few more:

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law". - avid Dinkins, NYC

"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity." - Dennis Ritchie

"I'm the master of low expectations." - George Bush

"The Linux philosophy is 'Laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong One. 'Do it yourself'. Yes, that's it." - Linus Torvalds

"Microsoft isn't evil, they just make really crappy operating systems." - Linus Torvalds

"all your base are belong to us" - cats

"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray