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BeerCheeze
*hick*
Joined: 14 Jun 2003
Posts: 9285
Location: At the Bar
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 Posted: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 16:27:50 Post Subject: OnStar Conversations Not Selected for Commercials |
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OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: Hi, I have a problem.
OnStar: How can I help, sir?
Customer: I’m…umm…27, and still a virgin.
OnStar: How old are you really, sir?
Customer: Twenty-nine?
OnStar: Sir?
Customer: Thirty-six.
OnStar: [partially off mike] Holy s#!7!
Customer: [muffled crying]
OnStar: OK, sir, I need you to stay with me and listen very closely. I’m going to ask you some diagnostic questions to pinpoint the problem. Do you own action figures?
Customer: Yes.
OnStar: And if your Grakthorian Troll with +12 charisma and 170 hit points were to be attacked by a gelatinous cube, what would you do?
Customer: I would don my cloak of invisibility and bypass the cube to enter the dungeons of Dalagdon.
OnStar: I think I know the answer to the next one, but they make me run down the whole list. Do you live with your mother, or a spinster aunt?
Customer: Both. [weeping]
OnStar: And how often do you masturbate?
Customer: What? Never!
OnStar: Sir.
Customer: Three times a day.
OnStar: And do you look at anime comics while you engage in self-pleasure?
Customer: How did you know?
OnStar: Thank you for your patience, sir, I think we’re just about at a solution. What I’m seeing here is that you are going to have to pay for sex. Is this Visa you have on file with us good to use?
Customer: Yeah, uh, it should be…
OnStar: Sounds good. We’ll forward your payment info on to the dispatching office. Now, what I want you to do is drive 6.2 miles north to the corner of Laurel Avenue, and wait there for a “Miss Star.” She’ll be wearing a leopard-skin skirt and an OnStar jacket. She’ll take care of you from there. All right, I just sent the detailed directions to your on-board navigation system.
Customer: Wow, thank you, OnStar! Maybe I can come thank you in person some time!
OnStar: We’d rather you didn’t. |
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Little Bruin
Boo Boo
Joined: 07 Apr 2003
Posts: 667
Location: Pic-A-Nic Basket |
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knight0334
Rated XXX
Joined: 22 Aug 2003
Posts: 2234
Location: Neither Here, Nor There
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NewAwakenings
Your Worst Nightmare
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
Posts: 1516
Location: In your nightmares
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| Posted: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 19:44:08 Post Subject: |
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| knight0334 wrote: | | Damn... sounds like a call I would have made. |
_________________
I am the Spam Queen...
OOO Pleeease... Like you were the first person in this place to have him... we've passed him around like a Joint at a frat party! - Dr. EvilCheeze |
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dadx2mj
Happy Camper
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 2994
Location: SoCal
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| Posted: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 20:20:58 Post Subject: |
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Damn if they used that for a commercial they would probably sell a lot more of them.  |
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Dud3!
Forum abandoner
Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Posts: 1469
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 23:21:49 Post Subject: |
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Probably so dadx2mj
_________________
Due to a not-that-interesting turn of events, I am now known as Justin Danger. |
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NewAwakenings
Your Worst Nightmare
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
Posts: 1516
Location: In your nightmares
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| Posted: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:18:21 Post Subject: |
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| dadx2mj wrote: | | Damn if they used that for a commercial they would probably sell a lot more of them. |
Only for lonely, disturbed men!!!!
_________________
I am the Spam Queen...
OOO Pleeease... Like you were the first person in this place to have him... we've passed him around like a Joint at a frat party! - Dr. EvilCheeze |
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Enforcer
Rated NC-17
Joined: 07 Jul 2004
Posts: 183
Location: Salinas, CA
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| Posted: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:22:17 Post Subject: |
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| NewAwakenings wrote: |
Only for lonely, disturbed men!!!! |
No shortage of those out in the world
_________________
Jinsei to uchuu to subete no koate wa.. yonjuuni |
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Little Bruin
Boo Boo
Joined: 07 Apr 2003
Posts: 667
Location: Pic-A-Nic Basket |
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NewAwakenings
Your Worst Nightmare
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
Posts: 1516
Location: In your nightmares
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| Posted: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:23:25 Post Subject: |
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| Enforcer wrote: | | NewAwakenings wrote: |
Only for lonely, disturbed men!!!! |
No shortage of those out in the world |
Sad... but soooo true!!!!!
_________________
I am the Spam Queen...
OOO Pleeease... Like you were the first person in this place to have him... we've passed him around like a Joint at a frat party! - Dr. EvilCheeze |
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dadx2mj
Happy Camper
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 2994
Location: SoCal
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| Posted: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 20:08:01 Post Subject: |
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| NewAwakenings wrote: | | Enforcer wrote: | | NewAwakenings wrote: |
Only for lonely, disturbed men!!!! |
No shortage of those out in the world |
Sad... but soooo true!!!!! |
Only because of the quality of women we have to choose from |
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NewAwakenings
Your Worst Nightmare
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
Posts: 1516
Location: In your nightmares
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| Posted: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 20:15:30 Post Subject: |
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| dadx2mj wrote: | | NewAwakenings wrote: | | Enforcer wrote: | | NewAwakenings wrote: |
Only for lonely, disturbed men!!!! |
No shortage of those out in the world |
Sad... but soooo true!!!!! |
Only because of the quality of women we have to choose from |
LMFAO... just gotta find the right ones!!!
_________________
I am the Spam Queen...
OOO Pleeease... Like you were the first person in this place to have him... we've passed him around like a Joint at a frat party! - Dr. EvilCheeze |
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