> 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
> He acquired his size from too much pi.
>
> 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
> be an optical Aleutian .
>
> 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
>
> 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a
> weapon of math disruption.
>
> 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
>
> 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
>
> 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
> Blownapart.
>
> 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
>
> 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
> into it.
>
> 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>
> 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
> other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
>
> 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
>
> 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
>
> 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
> large.
>
> 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
> veteran.
>
> 17. A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
> that votes.
>
> 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
>
> 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
>
> 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
> looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger.'
>
> 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
> 'Dam!'
>
> 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
> craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other
> says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
>
> 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
> canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at
> least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did |
