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Red Squirrel · Rated NC-17

funny things to do in a computer lab

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2" disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grind some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

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Star Trek: The VCR

Stardate 12:00

Captain Kirk: Captain's log, stardate 7412.6... hello? The red light still isn't going on. Testing, 1-2-3-4. Chekov, it's not recording.

Chekov: I know, Keptin. Perhaps a negative function with the clock-timer.

Uhura: Captain, I'm getting indications of a Klingon presence.

Kirk: Mr. Spock?

Spock: I confirm at least six Imperial Klingon warships, Captain, and heading toward our position at Warp 7.

Kirk: No, the Captain's log. Why won't it record?

Spock: Might I suggest, Captain, that we first remove ourselves to a more secure sector and then address the matter of your log? That would be the...logical approach.

Kirk: There's nothing logical about this instruction manual. Chekov?

Chekov: Keptin?

Kirk: Try this. "With the Rec-On day flashing, press the 5 key."

Chekov: I did already, Keptin. Still negative function.

Sulu: Captain, I'm having difficulty holding course.

Kirk: Shut down engines. Chekov, "Press the number for the day. For Sunday, press the 1 key, for Monday, the 2 key, and so on."

Chekov: Affirmative, Keptin. Still negative function. Perhaps ve should go back to page 15, vere it said to press Rec-Off time and enter two digits for the hour.

Spock: Captain, the Klingons are arming their photon torpedoes.

Kirk: Engineering.

Scotty: Aye, Captain?

Kirk: Mr. Scott, we've got a malfunction in the log. We're going to need full deflector power while we get it fixed.

Scotty: I canna guarantee it, Captain. The systems are overloaded as it is.

Chekov: Keptin, the flashing 12:00 disappeared!

Kirk: Good work, Chekov!

Chekov: Den it came right back.

Kirk: Damn it. Analysis, Mr. Spock.

Spock: It would appear, Captain, that this instruction manual that you and Mr.Chekov have been attempting to decipher was written in Taiwan.

Kirk: Taiwan?

Spock: A small island in the Pacific Rim Sector, formerly inhabited by a determined people who believed that the adductor muscles in giant clams, Tridacna gigas, conferred sexual potency. In the later twentieth century, they became purveyors of early video equipment to what was then the United States. They were able to successfully emasculate the entire U.S. male population by means of impenetrable instruction manuals. It was this that eventually led to the Great Conflict.

Kirk: But this is 7412.6. How did a Taiwanese instruction manual get aboard the Enterprise?

Spock: It is possible that a Taiwanese computer virus was able to infiltrate Star Fleet Instruction Manual Command and subtly alter the books so that not even university-trained humans could understand them.

Kirk: It's diabolical.

Spock: On the contrary, it is perfectly logical. Their strategy was based on an ancient form of Oriental persuasion known as water torture. In this case, instead of water a digital rendering of the hour of twelve o'clock is flashed repeatedly and will not disappear until the unit is correctly programmed.

Kirk: And for that you need a manual you can understand.

Spock: Precisely. Unless...

Kirk: Spit it out, Spock.

Spock: You have Star Log Plus. A small device that permitted the Americans to bypass the instruction manuals and program their units so that they would not end up with six hours of electronic snow instead of "Masterpiece Theater" or, more likely, "American Gladiators."

Kirk: Could you make one these things, Spock?

Spock: It would take more than the one minute and twenty seconds that we have until we are within range of Klingon weapons.

Dr. McCoy: Jim, you know I hate to agree with Spock, but he's right. We've got to get out of here. There are hundreds of people on this ship, young people, with homes and families and futures, and pets-- little hamsters on treadmills, Jim. You can't sacrifice them just because you can't figure out how to program your damn log!

Kirk: I know my responsibilities, Bones. Spock, would it be possible to beam the flashing 12:00 into the Klingons' control panel?

Spock: Theoretically, yes.

Kirk: Do it.

Uhura: Captain, I'm picking up a Klingon transmission.

Kirk: Put it on screen.

Klingons: QI'yaH, majegh!

Kirk: Translation, Spock.

Spock: It appears to have worked, Captain. They are surrendering.

Kirk: Take us home, Mr. Sulu. Mr. Chekov, try pressing the OTR button twice.

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Top 10 signs you are addicted to coding

1) You go to bed and close your eyes and see your code, and notice a missing semi colon and go back on the PC and sure enough, it's missing, so you fix it, then end up staying another hour to add some other feature to the program.

2) Your job is a programmer, and you end up doing overtime for free - at home.

3) You decompiled Windows twice, only to realize it will be easier to just recode it from scratch, if you want to get those bugs fixed.

4) You *made* a Linux distro, *from stratch*

5) You failed math because you kept using programs to calculate word problems and showed the teacher the source code to prove your answer.

6) When you put something in brackets while writting normal English, you put a semi colon after it.

7) When writting an essay or research paper, you use /* comments */ to indicate your statistic sources and such.

Cool

Watching sports to you is a big chore, while finalizing a program is done as pass time, even at work.

9) You are too lazy to search for drivers for this old sound card you found, so you program your own and they actually work.

10) The letter/number keys are less weared out than the non-letter/number keys.

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Funny flash animations:

keep your parants off the net

All your base are belong to us

all your base are belong to us... with mr T

"japaneese cartoons are funny"
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