renovation Rated XXX
  
 
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				 Posted: Thu, 09 Feb 2006 19:09:52    Post Subject: THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005: | 
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Crack Found on Governor's Daughter 
 
[Imagine that!] 
 
 
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
 
[No, really?] 
 
 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
 
[Now that's taking things a bit far!] 
 
 
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 
 
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!] 
 
 
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
 
[What a guy!] 
 
 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
 
[Those-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!] 
 
 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
 
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!] 
 
 
War Dims Hope for Peace 
 
[I can see where it might have that effect!!] 
 
 
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
 
[You think?] 
 
 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
 
[Who would have thought!] 
 
 
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 
 
[They may be on to something!] 
 
 
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
 
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] 
 
 
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
 
[he probably IS the battery charge!] 
 
 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
 
[Weren't they fat enough?!] 
 
 
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
 
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!] 
 
 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
 
[Taste like chicken?] 
 
 
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
 
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] 
 
 
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
 
[Boy, are they tall!] 
 
 
And the winner is.... 
 
 
Typhoon Rips Through 
 
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead | 
			 
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