AfterHim.com
Rated PG
|
 Posted: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 19:29:42 Post Subject: |
 |
|
Here are some jokes...is there a length issue if it is long? I thought the bigbruin users would appreciate some technology jokes 
| Quote: | Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great," he thought, "if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
"So, how is everything going?" God asked.
Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place....with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?
"That was the demo," replied God. |
| Quote: | Have you ever had a hard time pushing your way through one of those phone voice mail systems? If you've had to use more that two or three of them in one day, you probably need help from the Psychiatric Hot Line.
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hot Line
--If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1...repeatedly.
--If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
--If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
--If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
--If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
--If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. |
| Quote: | Church Signs 1
1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.
5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!
7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
 Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns. |
| Quote: |
Not so long ago....
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account
Compress was something you did to garbage not to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home.
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper.
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead! |
_________________
http://www.AfterHim.com
The Ultimate Website for Christian Men! |
|
