SPECIAL POST ELECTION OFFER
We at Carnival Cruise Lines haven't forgotten that a lot of entertainers promised to leave the country if George W. Bush were reelected President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who still want to keep their promise!
Attention:
Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently still a "Meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise. Please pack for an extended stay...at least four more years.
Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, and Grey Davis, purser, (Terry Heinz Kerry hopefully will be kept somewhere below decks away from the media), and Monica Lewinsky as the "Cigar and Cigarette Girl",
Entertainment will be supplied by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen. John Kerry will be our Life Guard in consideration of his past experience in pulling people out of the water (unless he decides at the last minute not to go). He is advocating the elimination of the game "shuffleboard" in favor of his new game he calls "waffleboard". Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing. Ted Kennedy will double as Bartender and Director of Emergency Procedures. Rev. Al Sharpton will provide inspirational services, and Ex-Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends, and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
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Two wrongs don't make a right!
But, three lefts do!! |
