STRONG PRESCRIPTION
An older man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning
80 tomorrow. I've hired a prostitute for the night, and I'd love to
do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something to
help?" The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this because
it's so strong, but I can make an exception for one night." Later
that evening, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man
and asked, "How's it going?" "Fabulous," the old man said. "I've
finished three times already." "That's great," the doctor said. "The
young woman you hired must be astounded." "Not exactly," the old man
said. "She's not here yet."
UGLY AND PALE
A woman standing naked in front of a bedroom mirror says to her
husband, "Honey, I look fat, ugly, and pale. Give me a compliment to
cheer me up." The husband thinks for a second and replies, "At least
there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
MAKE YOU PAY
Ernie is very upset and yells at his friend Sam, "You slept with my
wife! I am going to make you pay for what you did." "Yeah, right,"
replies Sam, "why should I pay twice?"
BORN WITHOUT EARS
John, who was born without ears, needed to hire a new employee. He
set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything
he needed to know and was very interesting. But at the end of the
interview, John asked him, "Do you notice anything different about
me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,"
came the reply. John didn't appreciate his candor and threw him out
of the office. The second interview was with a woman with tons of
experience. She was even better than the first guy. But he asked her
the same question, "Do you notice anything different about
me?" "Well," she said, "you have no ears." John again got upset and
tossed her out. The third and final interviewee was the best of the
bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was
smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman
that the first two put together. John was anxious, but went ahead
and asked the young man, "Do you notice anything different about
me?" Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes. You wear
contact lenses." John was shocked and realized this was an
incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?"
he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and
replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses when you haven't
got any frigging ears!"
KODAK FILM AND CONDOMS
Q: What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.
POOR FIT
This guy buys some new underwear from a department store. He takes
them home and tries them on, but to his dismay they don't fit
properly, so off he goes back to the store. When it's his turn at
the customer service window, the lady asks him why he's returning
the underwear. The man replies by asking the saleslady, "Have you
ever heard of the ballroom in the Washington Monument?" The puzzled
saleslady scratches her head and says, "What ballroom?" The man
snaps, "Exactly!"
WHAT DADDY DOES
Two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted on the
playground. "My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first
boy. "Adam," replied the second. "My daddy is a doctor. What does
your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied, "My
daddy is a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Joshua. "No, just the regular
kind," replied Adam.
I BET
Mickey was in a bar having a drink, and the barmaid was a gorgeous
blonde. He slapped a ten spot on the table and said, "I bet I can
keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom." The barmaid
knew the bathroom was around the corner, so she accepted the bet.
Mickey took his glass eye out, placed it beside the drink and went
to the bathroom. Upon his return, he said, "I bet I can bite my own
ear." The bet was accepted. This time, Mickey took out his false
teeth and nipped his ear. Once again, he scooped up the
money. "Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money
back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a
thing." Now that was one thing she knew about, so she accepted the
bet. So, off they went. A few minutes later, the woman giggled, "I
can feel you." "Oh well," Mickey grinned, "You win some, you lose
some!"
NO RELATIONS
The redneck patient was being warned by a doctor at the local health
clinic. "Until the penicillin cleans out your infection," the doctor
instructed, "you are not to have any relations whatsoever!" Pausing
for a moment, the patient replied, "Okay, but what about friends and
neighbors?"
_________________
Two wrongs don't make a right!
But, three lefts do!! |
