NewAwakenings
Your Worst Nightmare
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
Posts: 1516
Location: In your nightmares
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 Posted: Tue, 10 Jun 2003 10:27:12 Post Subject: My Usless Spam Of The Day:):) |
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You Know It's Time To Diet When...
You're diagnosed with a flesh eating virus,
and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you
peanuts.
Your driver's license says, "Picture continued
on other side."
You ran away and they had to use all four sides
of the milk carton for your picture.
You learn you were born with a silver shovel in
your mouth.
You could sell shade.
Your blood type is Ragu.
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When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the
attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you.
My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that?" the host asked.
"Because after one drink I can feel it. After two drinks, anyone
can!"
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A couple was attending an Art Exhibit and they were looking at a picture
that had taken them aback. There were three very black, very naked men
sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle
has a pink penis.
As the couple was looking, somewhat puzzled at the picture, the Irish
artist walked by and said, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the
artist."
The man remarked, "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why
you have three African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a
pink penis, while the other two have a black penis."
The Irish artist smiled, "Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting.
They're
not African men, they're Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went
home for lunch."
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After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sat down and said,
"Hey, bartender, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The
bartender reached way back in the cooler, finally found one, and gave
it to him.
The guy from Budweiser announced, "I'd like the best beer in the
world. Give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gave
him one.
The guy from Coors said, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water. Give me a Coors." He got it.
The guy from Molson sat down and said, "Give me a Coke." The
bartender was a little taken aback, but gave him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents looked over at him and asked,
"Why aren't you drinking a Molson?"
The Molson president replied, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't
drinking beer, neither would I."
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