Here are some soon to be released drugs on the market. You will be able to get your GP to prescribe as necessary. However remember laughter is the best medicine.
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
S T . M O M M A ' S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, colours hair blonde and improves flirting.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country &western music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antibiotic for older women. Increase resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total stranger.
SEXCEDRIN
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache" syndrome.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
ADVICE ON HEALTHY LIVING
Dr. Bob is an expert in his field!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, green leafy vegetables). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!! "It's the
best feel good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie...flour is a veggie! One more thing "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and the salt."
_________________
Two wrongs don't make a right!
But, three lefts do!! |
Those are great, especially Dr. Bob! 