Old....but read it anyway!

trekrider · Posted: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 13:46:56 Post Subject: Old....but read it anyway!

HUMOR FOR THE THINKING PERSON

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help

section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother

wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?.

Laughing

HackaX0rus · Posted: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 17:16:08 Post Subject:

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
^^This one applys heavily where I live. Laughing

Dud3! · Posted: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 21:23:09 Post Subject:

Same here, except the freaks end up living here. Laughing

Those are great trek.

BeerCheeze · Posted: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:44:29 Post Subject:

HackaX0rus · Posted: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 17:34:28 Post Subject:

I currently live in cen-cal in a college/ country club community. so noone has a gun. Sad

Dud3! · Posted: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 19:21:37 Post Subject:

They have golf clubs though, those are lethal.

HackaX0rus · Posted: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 20:41:15 Post Subject:

they dont wanna bend them tho they cost alot. and they might scratch their porche trying to chase the tourists. Laughing

dadx2mj · Posted: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 21:40:17 Post Subject:

HackaX0rus · Posted: Fri, 04 Feb 2005 17:06:58 Post Subject:

nah no aggies within 10 mi of my town. altho both neighboring towns are full of them...I dont like it here anyways 2 years from now i am gone.